Beacuse Some Battles Can't be Won
by Kiimahaku Akari
Summary: There are some goals too far away to reach. Sometimes it takes the end of everything before you understand that. Do you shy away and give up, or face fate head on? Rated for violence and language. May include angst and death in later chapters.
1. Unlikely companions

Because Some Battles Can't be Won

Kiimahaku Akari

Disclaimer: If I owned Saiyuki or its characters then I wouldn't have to write these. But seriously, I own nothing here except the idea. Enjoy.

How many months had it been since the start of this abhorred assignment? How many youkai had fallen for ideals of resurrecting one? Did the dying youkai even have a choice? How long could companions fight alongside one before they too were felled?

Companions….now there was a word not usually caught in the sea of thoughts Sanzo was plagued with daily. He outright denied any affiliation with the three idiots he traveled with. The blonde took a moment to snap out of his thoughts long enough to take a look around the jeep that he, Hakkai, Gojyo, and Goku had grown so accustomed to traveling in. Heated argument soon met his ears as the occupants of the backseat bickered on about some trivial thing or another. A rather tall young man with red hair reached across the seat and grabbed the shorter brown haired boy by his messy bangs and pulled as hard as he could.

"I told you to get me another beer Mini Monkey!" His words slurred a bit, and it was obvious that Gojyo had already had quite a few beers already. The other didn't seem too pleased about having his hair yanked. He promptly bit his attacker's arm and glared when Gojyo pulled it back.

"And I said to shove it! You're drunk enough as it is, perverted kappa!" Goku retorted with a shout loud enough to make Sanzo's ears ring. Hakkai merely chuckled as if the two had made a joke.

"Now, now guys. Let's keep it down back there alright? Gojyo, my friend, I think you've had enough for now. Goku, please don't be so hard on the drunkard." His smile and tone were pleasant enough, but his eyes were quite cold. It was obvious Hakkai was getting just a little annoyed with the pair as well. Sanzo glanced between them and the two in the back and decided not to shout at Goku and Gojyo. Hakkai might not like any added noise right now. Sanzo had no doubts that if they angered him enough, Hakkai would most assuredly make all their lives hell for a while. It was a good thing his patience was so good.

"Way to tell them. You'll make a great mother someday." Sanzo muttered as he lit a cigarette form the passenger's seat.

"Oh, I'm not nearly as good with small animals and children as you are Sanzo." Hakkai retorted, the same innocent smile on his face. "You act too much like a strict father around Goku anyway." Hakkai laughed then, leaving Sanzo alone with his sulk and plans to murder them all in their sleep.

Sanzo took it back. These morons weren't companions, friends, or even comrades. They were merely a group of youkai that he was stuck with until his assignment in India was complete. Even if it was the wish of the Merciful Goddess that they all go west to India and prevent the resurrection of the great youkai king Gyumaoh, Sanzo's only real reason for going was to retrieve his late master's scripture that was stolen from him long ago. Many a time he had wished that he alone could accomplish this, but their journey had proven many times that Sanzo was most likely the weakest of their party.

Weak. He had been shown many times in his life just how powerless he was. After losing his master he'd sworn to never again care for someone enough that he couldn't stand to lose them. He'd traveled for years to become stronger; he wanted to be strong enough to take back his master's possession from the youkai. Yet here he sat among three of them and most likely couldn't defeat a one of them if they meant business. It was only one thought of many that bothered Sanzo, and a good deal of thoughts bothered him. Honestly…just about everything bothered him. He had quite a short temper most of the time, something Gojyo and Goku could say from experience.

"Sanzo?" Hakkai inquired as he glanced over to the brooding priest. He'd learned a while back that Sanzo was prey to his own worries a long time ago and did his best to keep him in his usual grumpy demeanor. "I said we're almost to town. Are we stopping tonight?"

"We gotta Sanzo!" Goku immediately exclaimed from his seat. "I'm starving and I dun wanna camp outside again!"

"I agree with the monkey." Gojyo put in as he boredly looked out at the surrounding scenery. "We need supplies and I want to pick up chicks." Hakkai sighed a bit. Those two were always the same and he bet that their whining was not helping the chances of resting for the night. Whining was among the many things that made Sanzo angry.

An irritated growl escaped the priest as Gojyo and Goku made their demands more than heard. He really wanted to spite them and insist they keep going. However, it had been some time since Sanzo had been able to sleep in a bed and away from the others and the temptation of solitude was too much to bear. He rounded on the two and glared at them, but his response was for once not a shout or beating with his fan.

"Fine. We can get a place to stay tonight, but we leave first thing in the morning. Understand?" Hakkai chuckled slightly at his friend's antics. Sanzo sounded like a right bastard, but he knew the priest really did enjoy their company. At least, he hoped so.

Well, here you go. It's my first attempt at really writing a fic so comments determine whether or not I continue. I hope it wasn't too bad. Constructive criticism is welcomed. If you feel the need to flame me, go ahead. I'm horrible with computers so meh. I know I suck.


	2. Heavy Thoughts

Because Some Battles Can't be Won

Kiimahaku Akari

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing about Saiyuki except my own twisted ideas. Quit reminding me that these guys are the creation of someone else's genius. huffs Meanies…sits in corner

Chapter 2:

Heavy Thoughts

The ethereal beauty of the setting sun was shrouded by a cascade of ominous dark clouds. The surrounding areas near the village yielded simple squares of farmland decorated in resemblance to patches on a quilt. As the sky gradually lost its radiance, these patchwork fields looked far less humble and warm. There was something about a cloudy evening that brought tension to the air. An uncomfortable silence had befallen Sanzo and his companions; the stifling aura showed no signs of relenting anytime in the near future.

It was Hakkai that finally broke the tension with a more than relieved sigh. Just off in the distance he could make out the village they had been headed for. It was all for the best, Hakkai thought to himself. He couldn't take much more of the quiet that had befallen his usually rambunctious teammates. In fact…he stepped on the gas just a bit. His desire for getting out of the jeep was turning into a necessity with each passing moment. It wasn't entirely anyone's fault, he reminded himself as he listened to the hum of Hakryu's engine. None of the men did too well on rainy nights, and he himself was no exception. Still, everyone seemed to be lost in their own thoughts, and Hakkai was sure everyone was beginning to feel the weight of the common brooding that was being done.

Hakryu gave a small whine as Hakkai stepped on the gas again. His master merely smiled briefly and patted the dashboard with one hand.

"Almost there, Jeep, don't worry. I think we all just need some rest tonight."

At Hakkai's voice, Goku snapped out of the stupor he'd fallen into when the other three had become quiet. His boredom had quickly grown to concern and then to recollection, and that was more thinking than Goku was used to. He turned his head from the passing fields and chose instead to focus on the back of Hakkai's chair. There had been something in the elder's voice that made Goku uneasy. All of them got this way at times, and the young monkey couldn't understand them. He tried to be a bit tamer around them, since their tempers seemed a bit touched as well when they were like this. It sucked, he decided with a nod of his head. Their secret agendas and stories that they kept to themselves brought the mood as a whole down so far that it made Goku sick.

They were completely different in these moods. Gojyo got all drawn in to almost a vegetable state…mmm beans…. He'd have to get some when they got- wait, no! He shook his head and tried to stay on topic while he thought this out. So, Gojyo acted like the living dead. Moving on…Hakkai. Hakkai seemed to become sadness incarnate when things got quiet like this. But it was Sanzo that Goku worried about. He got even more on edge than usual. That couldn't be good for the priest, he was already so high strung that Goku was surprised that the droopy eyed bastard hadn't burst about four veins from stress already. Goku couldn't wait until they got to town. Thinking about those goddamn beans was making him hungry again.

Goku felt a good whine coming on. Ignoring the small and much abused fairy of common sense as he usually did, the short monkey reached forward and tugged at Sanzo's sleeve.

"Hey guys, I'm starving back here! Aren't we in town yet!" His hand was quickly brushed off by Sanzo, who then pulled out a cigarette and started fumbling around for his lighter. The priest didn't get paid enough to deal with that kid. Sanzo rarely won over Goku's supreme powers of annoyance.

If Hakkai was upset by Goku's sudden exclamation, he didn't show it. The calm man seemed to be holding his own against the monkey's cries for now. The same could not be said for Gojyo. He'd been so deep in thought that he'd nearly jumped when the brainless ape had started up again. One glance at Sanzo told the kappa that the both of them were at their breaking points with Goku. However, neither of them took long to upset, much to the expense of their mascot monkey.

Raising a loosely clenched fist, Gojyo laid a quick smack over Goku's head. His eyebrow twitched in small jerks of annoyance, and he let out a low growl that was laced with more than a little anger.

"Knock off the whining, you stupid monkey! Hakkai's getting us there as fast he can go! See? There's the village ahead, now shut it!" He regretted his actions almost as soon as they'd occurred. A return punch flew into his arm so quick that he barely had time to react.

"Don't call me stupid, an' quit hitting me you perverted kappa!" Gojyo let out a groan in defeat and put a hand to his head in exasperation. He'd demanded quiet and the little punker had just gotten louder. God, they couldn't get to town quick enough. Gojyo was about ready to snap.

A resounding smack ceased the monkey's shouting almost instantly as Sanzo belted Goku over the head with his paper fan before discreetly sliding it back into his robes. His unlit cigarette was held firmly in place by tightly clenched teeth and a stress mark was quite visible on his forehead.

"Goddam it! If I have to hear you complain just once more, you're staying outside with the jeep, got it!" Sanzo heaved a sigh and flicked the cigarette away as Hakkai slowed down to enter the village. That bit of solitude was looking better and better all the time. Couldn't any of these idiots be silent for even a short bit?

"Is that them?" A skeptical voice forced its way out of the dense foliage of a large tree.

"Who the hell else would they be? No, four _other_ men driving in an iron vehicle and matching our descriptions perfectly just came into town." The other voice returned the first with a snort in a tone that was both sarcastic and arrogant.

"No need to get snippety about it. I was just asking, master." A youkai woman with short silver hair appeared, lounging on a great branch with a bored look on her face. Her eyes were a startling shade of green and reflected in the waning light much like those of a cat. "They aren't quite what I expected. You usually choose better playthings, if I might say so."

"I think they'll do quite well, myself. The recent wave of insanity throughout most of the youkai has intrigued me. No doubt it's the doing of Gymaoh's little whore in India. These four have made it quite far. I'm sure they'll take to my games enough for me to get what I'm looking for." A slender hand reached out to stroke the youkai's hair. Her master sat next to her, ignoring the wind that blew his ebony hair into his face. An amused smile played across his lips, though it was something that even that even the youkai woman noted with a shudder.

Cold gray eyes watched the Sanzo Ikkou pull to a stop at a nearby inn. Putting a stop to those four was a waste of talent as far as he was concerned. If things went as planned, he and his pet would get all they needed out of the ragtag group. Strength emanated from them; it would be a waste to throw it away.

"Junan-dono?" Green eyes regarded her master with interest as well as apprehension. He wanted them and she knew it. It was what he wanted from them that left her confused. As far as she could tell they were merely a group of men that were all a bit touched in the head.

"Come Dorei." Junan pulled away from her and jumped down from the tree. "We must get ready. This is going to be quite the learning experience." He sent one last glance over his shoulder to the inn before he walked off and disappeared completely into the growing darkness. Silently his pet followed him. The waves were in motion; everything was about to begin.

Well, there's chapter two. I know things aren't moving too quickly, but I'm trying to get things worked out before this gets too far.

Reviews are more than welcomed, and are really the only reason I'm writing this. I want to know what you guys think of my writing. I haven't ever put my work up for people to see before, so I'm kind of being careful with this fic. Call it my test run if you will…heh hehe…

Oh, Junan and Dorei are characters of mine. Junan means 'suffering' in Japanese from what I've been told, and Dorei is a word for 'slave'. More on them later, just know that they're cruel baby eating people, okay?


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